Sunday, September 30, 2007

Letting go is hard to do...

Going through the yarn bins this evening led me to the conclusion that I really have too much yarn. No, really. I have too much yarn in my stash. Too much yarn that I bought when I was a new knitter, when I gave in to the "oh shiny!" of it all (well, I still do that, I just know to buy a whole project's worth of one dye lot), too much lime green and hot pink Cascade 220 (what the hell was I thinking? Did I have a project in mind for that? Or was I crazy?) and too much yarn that I bought before I'd figured out what I like to knit. Too much yarn I won't EVER use. So I'm slowly going through it. Some if it is good, still in ball bands and so I think I can give it to someplace like Stitches From the Heart. The rest, I'm not sure where I'll donate it. Maybe Goodwill can sell the stuff that Stitches can't use, like laceweight variegated alpaca in garish colors and all the eyelash yarn.

But letting go is difficult. And sometimes things remind you of other things that have nothing to do with what they are on the surface.

There's all the baby yarn I bought back when I was hoping that maybe things would work out and the ex Mr. YP and I would have another kid one day. That hit me like a punch in the gut. I don't care to knit any other babies gifts with that yarn, I don't think. I would rather just let it go. If only the feelings of loss were as easily dropped off next to the charity box. I wasn't done yet. I wanted more kids and I waited patiently for him to be ready, only he never was. And now there will be no more kids for me, ever. Not one last baby. I'm done. I have no choice. My own body has up and chosen for me. He chose for me. How do I let that go?

There's the Cascade Magnum I bought to make yarn dreads when I still had the time and energy to go out clubbing and chill in goth clubs. Hard to do that now that I'm a single mom who has to get to work reliably and find childcare if she wants to go out. Sometimes it feels like my days of having fun, of having a life that makes sense, of being able to gather with my friends and just dance until the lights come up, it feels like those days are gone forever. I don't have a lot of "fun" these days. I have my kids, I have four cats, I spend a lot of time taking videos of kittens sucking on knitwear, and I go to work and try to muster up energy to cook dinner at night. Somehow, making yarn dreads just seems... useless. I can't wear them to earn a living.

Then again, sometimes letting go isn't so hard. You realize that you let go a long time back. That it doesn't hurt so much anymore.

There's some Lambs Pride I bought when I was felting bags to sell to raise money for our dog's vet bills, after she died. That was hard, but I'm done now. I loved her, I miss her, but life moves on. Besides, I'll never wear anything in white and tomato red and I hate mohair. That stuff is FULL of mohair. Let it go.

There's the cotton my mother in law gave me that's left over from the 1960's. Cotton I frogged from the halfknit cardigan she'd shoved into the bag with the rest of the skeins, but never washed. I am honestly never going to use that cotton. And since my marriage has broken up, it's not like I need to keep it to avoid hurting my mother in law's feelings. I'd say that whole divorce thing is probably bigger than some cotton in the Goodwill pile. I can't worry about pleasing my inlaws anymore, can't pretend or put effort into masking who I really am from them so that they'll be comfortable wtih me. Let it go.

It's a process, this letting go of things.

Reading a lot of Crazy Aunt Purl's new book these days. And wow is that ever stirring up my own weird, not yet finished, still grieving, divorce stuff. Sometimes it feels like I've barely tapped the well. I almost wish I could take a page out of her book, just spend months with wine and Cheetos and the crying and get over it. So it would be OVER. I wish that I could feel something and then it opens up and I feel too much, so I slam the lid back on.

How the hell do you let it go? When it's not something you can just easily leave next to the charity box in the parking lot of Ralphs at 3am because you're carrying it around and it's still a part of you?

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

This is what happens to hand knits around here. At least, if they are fluffy or made of Muppet.




I keep coming into rooms and finding soggy heaps of scarf, hat, blanket, whatever. Kitten spit everywhere.

Also, best song ever. My Boyfriend's Girlfriend Isn't Me

Yay!
SP11

My secret pal 11 box came today and I am really tickled - my pal sent me enough sock yarn for a project, a nifty pattern that suits the yarn, some Scharffenberger dark chocolate, handmade lavender soap (I LOVE LAVENDER!) and nifty stitch markers that I think are really spiffy.

Thank you SO much SP11. A whole project in a box. :-) I feel super spoiled rotten! You rock!

tempted - bordello handspun

This is the yarn I'm spinning up with Tempted's "bordello" roving. I haven't washed this or set the twist yet, as I still have about 1oz of roving left to spin from the first bag, but once I get it finished, I think it will be stunning. I'm getting a yarn that will stripe but also have subtle, marled color changes as it does so. I can't wait to see how it knits up! This is simply amazing roving. She's got this colorway dyed up in sock yarn over on her Etsy site. I also am doing her sock club through Loops in Tulsa OK. The first month's offering, Koi In A Blender, is simply awesome. T-Koi In A Blender

Lady E continues to grow, tier by tier. Not sure if I'm going to have it finished by my deadline, but I'm going to try. I also just started a quickie pair of Xmas socks for the oldest in some fantastic stripey purple, black, orange yarn, self patterning and fun. Always happy to have a purse sock going.

Sunday, September 23, 2007

Honey's fiber senses started tingling today while I was spinning.

yarn senses tingling

She LOVES fiber. She also wishes for thumbs.

Saturday, September 22, 2007

The kitten who has the most fiber wins.

It's good to be the king

Mittens is obviously full of WIN. Now, if he only had thumbs.

Monday, September 17, 2007

lady E

Lady E, worked in Silk Garden. 4 tiers in, just connected the 2nd ball of Noro. Wondering if I should go down a needle size and redo, but I kind of like the fabric I'm getting. It IS for someone living in Southern CA after all, and we don't really need a thick woven wooly fabric to keep warm here.

I had to call the LYS where I bought the book, because I was on my way to my ex inlaws house yesterday and forgot the pattern. I knew there would be streeeeess if I didn't have my knitting, and I'd forgotten the book... someone there fortunately answered the phone and was kind enough to remind me how to start the side triangles. I remembered the rest of it without the pattern (it IS really easy!), and the afternoon was saved.

This is why a great LYS is such a marvelous thing to have. Not only do they give you yarn, but they help preserve familial harmony.

Saturday, September 15, 2007

spin in canceled

Just a note, the Sept. 29th spin in has regrettably been cancelled. Due to pirate faires, work conflicts and other things, I think there are maybe only two people who could actually go this time. I will reschedule for a weekend in October. If you have one or two that work for you, NOW is the time to tell me so I can get the date off work and also request the cafe give us space in the lounge!

Sorry guys! It'll be grand next month, I promise!
Lime and Violet's Daily Chum is horrible and I am not linking to it because I am going to try to save you from the evil that is all the shiny they link to. But you really should google it and take a look. Just don't blame me when your Paypal account starts screaming, ok?

I spun up some of this yesterday. It's merino in the Aurora colorway, from String Theory that I got a while ago. I'll try to spin up the rest of it this weekend when I'm not at work.

Aurora test skein

Very pretty. I think I know what I'm going to do with it, too.

I've discovered some fun stores on Etsy in the last week, most of which I can lay at the feet of Miss Lime and Miss Violet, but a few others that I discovered on my own. Thought I'd share the enabling.



Fat Cat Knits, some really great rovings in saturated, gorgeous colorways. Her use of color is sometimes unexpectedly harmonious.

Tempted, the creator of the infamous Bordello roving. Stunning.

I know you've all heard me rave about Funky Carolina. There's just not enough good stuff to say about her lovely colorways and beautifully prepared fiber.

Not a heck of a lot else happening around here, Chez Will Pillage. I seem to be spinning more than I'm knitting these days, but there is some knitting going on too. I am working on Lady E, and plan to pull the Clap out when I have my houseguest next weekend. She's working on hers so I figure we'll inspire each other. She's coming to stay with me for my anniversary weekend. I'm just not feeling like facing what would have been my 11th wedding anniversary alone, so have called in a friend and there will be wine and brownies and solace instead.

The "new" old job at the OO store is fantastic and I am so happy there. My kitchen is full of delicious things again. So very glad they wanted me back.

At the moment, I am covered in kittens with both of the older cats on the bed and the dog up near my head. It is snoozy and purry and they are doing their best to convince me to sleep now. I think I will join them.

Alas, I am working tomorrow and will miss the Yarn Harlot. I hope everyone local who is going has a grand time!

Monday, September 10, 2007

I've been avoiding it for weeks. I've been in denial. I've been pretending it wasn't true. But it was. There was just no getting around the harsh reality. Today I had to get under the bed storage for the sock yarn, which had expanded way beyond the ability of my designated stash containers to hold it.

The handpainted Etsy rovings gave a squeal of glee and promptly leapt into the bin vacated by the sock yarn.

And completely filled it. Overflowing, even.

So fine.

I admit that I am powerless over fiber.

I have no intention of giving this up to a higher power.

I will not make amends.

Bill can bite me. I'm going solo on this one. He's not my friend.

I am not sure if I said anything here or not, but I quit my job at the cafe two weeks ago and Sunday last was my final day there. I will miss my regulars, the people I got to work with, but I will not miss some of the issues that made me resign in the first place and I am feeling good about moving on to something less stressful. The olive oil store asked me to come back and so I've just made the move back there, which is really moving forward, both in pay and a lot of other respects. There's some opportunity for advancement there and a future. It's a good move for me. I'm really jumping for joy.

In other news, gods willing and the creek don't rise, certified mail being trustworthy, I have mailed off my last debt management payment and am mere weeks away from being Certified Debt Free once it's all been dispersed and the numbers added up. I own the car outright and I think I got all the medical bills, so... how crazy is that? NO debt. It's almost unimaginable to me. Now I just have to make sure to make good choices and keep it that way.

Hmmm... perhaps I was too quick to tell Bill W. to piss off on the fiber thing. :-P

\m/ \m/ Heavy metal fingers, indeed.

I also caught Seasonal Startitis Syndrome and cast on for Lady Eleanor's Stole. Clapotis? What Clapotis? I'm not kneeting no steenkin Clapotis.

Thursday, September 06, 2007

I got absolutely no knitting or spinning done today.

I did, however, buy this:

natasha angle

Her name is Natasha.

ETA: Natasha is a 2007 Honda Fit Sport. She's awfully snazzy. My mom got the salesman so flustered that he threw in the spiffy rims for free after we made him take them off the deal (they were 'spensive) and then she said, "But we want the tires after all and we want you to give them to us." and he laughed and then he realized she was serious and then he turned rather pale and then he said yes to keep us from going to the other Honda dealership. My mother is a barracuda on the negotiating floor. I got a *great* deal.

There is so much Happy around here tonight it is redonkulous.

Saturday, September 01, 2007

picture post

August kittens
The kittens are getting fatter! And bigger! Look how sleek they are!

Walkabout detail
Wool blend in "walkabout" colorway from Spunky Eclectic. This blend was a dream to spin up, it drafted beautifully and practically spun itself. I'm loving how the colors have softened and muted, but still remain very distinct and rich.

Rosy Rocks
Superwash merino in "Rosy Rocks" colorway from Funky Carolina. This was also a dream to spin and the first yarn I spun up entirely on the Kromski. It was a little bit hard in the hand after spinning, but I gave it a wash in some wool soak, beat the hell out of it and let it hang dry and it has become appropriately soft and yummy. This is going to become a Rose Congou scarf for a tea friend.

dragonfiber sock
test sock in superwash merino/tussah silk "Cloudy Oceans" colorway from Dragonfibers. I'm just mucking around here, I haven't even set the twist with this yarn. It's being knit right off the niddy noddy. I wanted to see how my handspun yarn would be in a sock and watch how the colors played.

Reading the Twisted Sisters Sock Workbook and trying to get a better understanding of fiber. What's your favorite book about spinning and fiber? What was the most valuable to you in learning about different fibers and what to do with each?

I am going to seek air conditioning now. It is entirely too hot in Southern California.