Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Internet dating.

Where you refresh your matches and stare at the same profiles and see that those profiles have been "stalking" you but not messaging you, and you're not messaging them either because OMG it's like a 7th grade dance and what if they're not messaging you because they don't LIKE you and so you're just going to sit there and twiddle your thumbs while disco lights play across an empty dance floor.

It is lesbian sheep syndrome extreme.

This amazingly cute Brit came into the store today and bought some amazing stuff as a gift, and I said, "Wow someone will be happy." and he said, "I am hoping she'll cook me dinner with it." and I thought, "OMG! I WILL COOK FOR YOU SEXXEH BRIT BOY! I WILL! ANYTHING YOU WANT, I WILL COOK IT." and instead, I said, "That'll be $..." and "Have a happy holiday." and then sighed wistfully as he walked away.

I suppose it's nice to know at least, that this sudden desire for companionship and social interaction means that I am not dead, right? I mean, I guess it means that I'm "back" in some way, among the living and breathing and no longer shell-shocked by divorce?

I heard "Santa Baby" 15 times today.

Fif. Teen. Times. And it was mostly the Madonna version too. The crappy one. I only heard the Eartha Kitt version once.

"Jingle Bell Rock" came in at a measly 4.

Still 4 times too many.


Mouse said...

I'm still scarred from all of my years of holiday retail that I can't even THINK about "Santa Baby" without wanting to throw up... The only holiday song that I can stomach is the version of "Little Drummer Boy" with David Bowie in it.

Will Pillage For Yarn said...

The moment where the penny dropped about "Holy shit, they've got the Christmas music playing outside the store." was dramatic and priceless.

I think I actually yelled out, "AUUUUGH." and ran into the stockroom to regroup.

Lucia said...

Gah. Two of my favorite radio stations (the two oldies ones) have been playing all Christmas music, all the time for over a week now. If I were queen 1) radio Christmas music wouldn't start until 12/1 2) not more than every nth song would be a Christmas one, where n is the number of days until Christmas.

Also, retail stores? You are not whipping me into a buying frenzy by tarting yourselves up in red and green on November 1. You are merely giving me yet another reason to avoid the mall at all costs.

(Re dating, internet or any other kind: I know nothing. I wish you luck.)

geogrrl said...

Well, THAT just sucks. Everyone knows that Earth Kitt's version of "Santa Baby" is the best, just like Blossom Dearie's version of "Peel me a Grape" is the best one.

At this time of year, I tend to get homicidal upon hearing "Jingle Bells", and "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas" for the millionth time.

My favourite Christmas songs are "Fairytale of New York" by the Pogues, "Santa, Santa" by the Kinks, and "Christmas is Coming" by the Payola$.

geogrrl said...

Sorry. That should have been "Father Christmas" by the kinks.

I also agree that if I were in charge of the world, there would be no Christmas music and no Christmas decorations in stores until December 12th. AT LEAST. My local radio stations have also been driving me nuts with Christmas music.


Will Pillage For Yarn said...

We tried to only have our fall stuff up until Thanksgiving at my store. 3 factors made that impossible.

1. Every other store in the mall was all OMGREINDEER! XMAS IS HERE!!! so we looked... bad, comparatively, display and stockwise.

2. Black Friday is a crap time to put up the Xmas decs. Better to do it beforehand.

3. Corporate made us.

*sigh* We are being subversive though, and not putting the Xmas CD on until Friday. The mall music already playing is bad enough. We have Santa Baby on our CD too.

Cambria said...

lol! now i have to keep track of how many times i hear "dominick the donkey" this year. i really hate that song.

suec said...

hi- so loathe the 2 you mention plus also "rockin' around the christmas tree". my all time favorite songs-NOT to be listened to until december- are on my mario lanza cd-what can i say, it represents a happy christmas memory. good luck with the online dating thing!suec