Friday, June 08, 2007

I've had some health stuff lately that's resulted in some very late nights and a lot of anxiety on top of the anxiety I already enjoy in general as a big, twitchy, anxiety ridden thing. It has sparked worries about things like two suddenly motherless children, etc., and I would prefer that not to happen, obviously. Also, I have a lot of sock yarn in my stash and I want to knit it all, kthxbye. I have a lot of knitting to do.

So yesterday I decided to ask my doctor, the Bestest Doctor Evar, to check it out and hoped very much that he would tell me I was being a big complainy drama queen. He says I am not being a big complainy drama queen. So. Poo.

The good news is that that this is generally fixable with a few very simple life changes. I probably won't even need medication and that's the very last thing they want to put you on anyway these days. It is annoying and scary and doesn't *feel* good but it is not something that is going to kill me. We're running a few tests to make sure there's no other underlying causes for it all, next week.

It is a relief, on one hand, to lie down on the table and have the little things fastened to one's chest so they can see your heart beat, and then be told "Oh yep there it goes, you feeling that? I'm seeing them happen right now. No you are not imagining this. This is real." and know you are not a crazy person with an active imagination. Er. Okay, fine, I AM a crazy person with an active imagination, but this is not because of that. Right. At the same time, holy SHIT it is real. I'm finding this all a little scary in a "seeing the mortality bus whiz by in the next lane and oh shit, the passengers just waved at me." kind of way. I am absorbing it. We are very dependent on that little ball of muscle to keep pumping away normally and you know, we just take it for granted that it will. Until one day, maybe it isn't quite normal, and that's a wake up call. Life is precious, don't you go taking it for granted.

So I can't drink coffee anymore, or black tea unless I decaf my tea. No more alcohol or red wine. I have to avoid sugar as much as possible and try to get my stress and anxiety under control. If I can do that, things will likely go back to normal. I will probably even get to drink coffee and have a glass of red wine now and again, even if not every day. I am finding it hard to imagine life without either of these things, so, humor me here. The fact that I work as a barista in a freaking coffeehouse is rich in irony. Rich, annoying, unfunny, making me want to flip something off in a shocking and rude manner, irony. But that's ok. I'll deal. It would be stupid not to.

Until then, there is chamomile tea. And yarn. I am reliably informed by a medical professional that yarn is great therapy, good for stress and anxiety, and I should keep playing with it.

My KTS3 box came from my pal, yesterday! I am getting a digital camera sorted out today and making up for lack of picture posts later this afternoon, so tune in, same bat time, same bat channel.


Inky said...

hey chica, thank you for going to see your doc - now that we aren't young and crazy bad ass kids, we have to take care of the only thing we have, our bodies!! you do what the doctor ordered, okay?

I gave up caffeine and sugars about two months before my surgery. there was about a week or so of major headache, so drink lots of water. Since you are a barista, you know there are many yummy teas, and one of my favorite (and I don't use any sweetener in it anymore, tho' i loved honey) is Good Earth. It's a spicy tea and very tasty, no caffeine. My Constant Comment is also available decaf, thank goodness!

so take care of yourself :)

Knitty Cat said...

Do take care. Stress does such horrible things to our bodies, and you've had more than your lifetime allotment I think.
May I recommend a good site for some fantastic herbals?
Spread the tea love :)

Will Pillage For Yarn said...

Inky, I *adore* Good Earth Tea! I keep it in my tea cupboard as a staple, it's one of my favorite late afternoon/evening teas because it is sweet and substantial but doesn't keep me up at night.

Knitty, isn't Adagio great? I'm a huge fan of their fruit tisanes.

Knitty Cat said...

It's wonderful! I just redeemed yet ANOTHER 10 dollar gift certificate there. Which represents 100 bucks spent there. Heh, yeah. Love the place.
Thanks for letting me pimp my favorite tea store :)

Tammy said...

Little upsets having to do with that muscle can be scary, so do take care of yourself. Know that we all support you here.

Roxie said...

Boy talk about getting reality and all the big issues shoved in your face! I'm sending you prayers or good vibes or whatever resonates your particular celestial sphere. Peace. Deep sigh. Peace. Let the waves break around you, you are a pillar of calm.

Green tea is low caff. And Celestial Seasonings double strength Sleepytime with a little milk just before bed is a terriffic relaxant. If your mind won't shut off, encourage it to visualize your dreams. The house of your dreams or the sweater of your dreams or the job of your dreams, whatever. With all the details.Keep coming back to your visualizations. Even if you can't fall asleep right aaway, at least you are watching happy visions.

Jakki said...

Oh...I can sympathize. Best to follow dr's orders. I had to go off caffeine a few months ago on dr's strong suggestion. But, mine was a temporary lay-off and now I think my body is nearly able to tolerate it again. Maybe. Soon.