I've had some health stuff lately that's resulted in some very late nights and a lot of anxiety on top of the anxiety I already enjoy in general as a big, twitchy, anxiety ridden thing. It has sparked worries about things like two suddenly motherless children, etc., and I would prefer that not to happen, obviously. Also, I have a lot of sock yarn in my stash and I want to knit it all, kthxbye. I have a lot of knitting to do.
So yesterday I decided to ask my doctor, the Bestest Doctor Evar, to check it out and hoped very much that he would tell me I was being a big complainy drama queen. He says I am not being a big complainy drama queen. So. Poo.
The good news is that that this is generally fixable with a few very simple life changes. I probably won't even need medication and that's the very last thing they want to put you on anyway these days. It is annoying and scary and doesn't *feel* good but it is not something that is going to kill me. We're running a few tests to make sure there's no other underlying causes for it all, next week.
It is a relief, on one hand, to lie down on the table and have the little things fastened to one's chest so they can see your heart beat, and then be told "Oh yep there it goes, you feeling that? I'm seeing them happen right now. No you are not imagining this. This is real." and know you are not a crazy person with an active imagination. Er. Okay, fine, I AM a crazy person with an active imagination, but this is not because of that. Right. At the same time, holy SHIT it is real. I'm finding this all a little scary in a "seeing the mortality bus whiz by in the next lane and oh shit, the passengers just waved at me." kind of way. I am absorbing it. We are very dependent on that little ball of muscle to keep pumping away normally and you know, we just take it for granted that it will. Until one day, maybe it isn't quite normal, and that's a wake up call. Life is precious, don't you go taking it for granted.
So I can't drink coffee anymore, or black tea unless I decaf my tea. No more alcohol or red wine. I have to avoid sugar as much as possible and try to get my stress and anxiety under control. If I can do that, things will likely go back to normal. I will probably even get to drink coffee and have a glass of red wine now and again, even if not every day. I am finding it hard to imagine life without either of these things, so, humor me here. The fact that I work as a barista in a freaking coffeehouse is rich in irony. Rich, annoying, unfunny, making me want to flip something off in a shocking and rude manner, irony. But that's ok. I'll deal. It would be stupid not to.
Until then, there is chamomile tea. And yarn. I am reliably informed by a medical professional that yarn is great therapy, good for stress and anxiety, and I should keep playing with it.
My KTS3 box came from my pal, yesterday! I am getting a digital camera sorted out today and making up for lack of picture posts later this afternoon, so tune in, same bat time, same bat channel.