Tuesday, April 17, 2007

Today is hard. There's just no way around it, today is one of the hard ones.

I'm lonely. You know? Sad. I am not loving my un-married-ness today. I think this is one of the aspects of divorce that you have to go through, whether you are poly or monogamous or what have you. I think it's part of mourning the primary relationship that is gone and realizing that you really are not primary to anyone anymore.

I would like to have someone around to give me a hug.This isn't about sex (though I certainly wouldn't mind some quality time with my cute Ukranian boss and a big can of whipped cream, er, wait I digress) this is about just feeling a little cut off of basic human contact. Sad that my marriage didn't work out. Sad that nobody is coming home tonight. Sad that I will make dinner for my kids and then go to bed alone with the dog and sad that when I wake up, nobody will kiss me good morning. That nobody is happy to see me in that special way today or worried about whether or not I ate breakfast or took my meds (I forgot) or any of a million different things. That no one cares the way that someone who lives with you, breathes with you, knows you, cares.

I know that this will pass, sooner rather than later, and it is all part and parcel of the process. I'm okay with that. I chose this process and it was for the best. I am not saying that anyone is doing anything wrong or that I made a mistake. I just feel the loneliness rather acutely today, is all.

6 comments:

Lucia said...

((((Rain))))

Hope you feel better soon.

Roxie said...

Take your meds. Take care of yourself. Hang in, dear. This too will pass. And remember, there are a lot of married women who feel just as lonely. Thanks for staying in touch with us. You know we are pulling for you.

sopranospinner said...

Sorry you're feeling bad today. Try to do something that you didn't feel right doing when there was someone living with you, it might make you feel better. My friend who is at the same stage is still kind of happy at the quiet. I'm sure these days will come, though. And maybe she's just not talking about it. But she had a LOT of yelling.

Anyway, thinking of you!

cavalaxis said...

{{{HUGS}}}

Lonely sucks. Even when there are people around, it sucks.

rincaro said...

I hate that in between part. After the knowing it's the right decision, but before you are completely at peace with it all.

I promise it will get better.

geogrrl said...

Perfectly understandable. There's always a mourning period and you're going through it now.

I can't help you, just say that the feelings will pass and eventually you will move on.

Sending lots of virtual hugs.