Wednesday, February 14, 2007

I think this is a perfectly beautiful song, even though it is maybe not hearts and flowers. Haven't heard it? Give it a listen on Itunes. It is utterly melancholy and haunting and maybe speaks to the reason why some folks act like Valentines Day is akin to having bamboo slivers shoved under their nails, though it does not spark that in me at all.

She sends me blue valentines
All the way from philadelphia
To mark the anniversary
Of someone that I used to be
And it feels just like theres
A warrant out for my arrest
Got me checkin in my rearview mirror
And Im always on the run
Thats why I changed my name
And I didnt think youd ever find me here

To send me blue valentines
Like half forgotten dreams
Like a pebble in my shoe
As I walk these streets
And the ghost of your memory
Is the thistle in the kiss
And the burgler that can break a roses neck
Its the tatooed broken promise
That I hide beneath my sleeve
And I see you every time I turn my back

She sends me blue valentines
Though I try to remain at large
Theyre insisting that our love
Must have a eulogy
Why do I save all of this madness
In the nightstand drawer
There to haunt upon my shoulders
Baby I know
Id be luckier to walk around everywhere I go
With a blind and broken heart
That sleeps beneath my lapel

She sends me my blue valentines
To remind me of my cardinal sin
I can never wash the guilt
Or get these bloodstains off my hands
And it takes a lot of whiskey
To take this nightmares go away
And I cut my bleedin heart out every nite
And I die a little more on each st. valentines day
Remember that I promised I would
Write you...
These blue valentines
Blue valentines
Blue valentines

Tom Waits

Every time I hear this song I am reminded of how much I have learned over the years, from having some relationship or another go utterly to shit. We feel so betrayed by love, by the object of our loving when it doesn't work out, but I think most of us do our best growing and learn the MOST about ourselves when we are in that place of picking up the pieces. I read once that anger is an arrow at your feet, shot by the person who sparked the anger. It is always your choice to pick it up and stab yourself with that arrow. Eventually, ideally, we forget the arrow of anger and betrayal is there at our feet because we've grown past it.

Kierkegaard said, "Don't forget to love yourself." and Buddha said you'd never find anyone more worthy of your love than yourself. So that's a good place to start, don't you think? When you look at it that way, you don't really need to send the blue valentines because it just doesn't matter if someone went or stayed. It isn't the litmus for being okay. Partnership isn't where the bar is set, or at least, shouldn't be.

Don't forget to love yourself and be the self you truly are, FOR YOURSELF That's a good message for today.


Roxie said...

That's wisdom. Thanks.

Lucia said...

Those are gorgeous lyrics, and I think you're totally right. I've had the good fortune to have grown in the same direction as my husband all these years -- of course there is work involved too, but I try very hard to remember how much luck is involved, and that luck is virtue-free.

It's really hard to learn 1) you do have to love yourself first 2) you have to keep loving yourself no matter what luck comes your way.