I really wish that the holidays had come a few weeks later or that I'd injured my back a few weeks earlier. I wish I'd had a few more weeks of physical therapy before we hit the crazy time. I hurt, all the time. I get through my workday with my back brace holding me up, on pure cussed stubbornness and the wonders of boning and velcro. My back brace holds me up because otherwise I can't even stand up straight for an entire shift on my own. By the end of my 8 I am curled in on myself like a shrimp. I limp to my car and I cry on the way home and fall into bed on top of an ice pack and then I get up and I do it again the next day. I am NOT going to call in sick. I am NOT going to go home early. I am GOING to make it through my shift. That's my mantra. Every day. I can do it. I can do it. Every hour I last is an hour that I didn't give up. Every night I promise myself that I can call in sick if I really need to in the morning or that I can leave my shift early if it hurts. Every morning I make myself get up and every shift I make myself finish. I am discovering some reserves and depths in myself that I didn't realize I had and that is maybe not such a bad thing.
I have gift wrapped SO many items and put together SO many pretty baskets and SO many fancy food boxes in the last 5 shifts that I think my lifetime quota has been met. I don't know as we'll be having wrapped gifts under our tree this year. I don't even know if we have wrapping paper. Do you think the kids will mind tin foil? I have not put up a single winter decoration. We have not bought a tree. Tonight, after I came home from work (long after sundown) they woke me up from where I'd fallen asleep over the laptop and we lit the menorah and I yawned through the prayers.
I'm shuffling through the days like a sleep depped injury fogged zombie and not in a "Oh rar, hottie zombie apocalypse girl!" kind of way either. I'm so tired, I didn't even get grumpy when all the carolers showed up today. I mean, who cares? Carolers. Rah. Whatev. Do you want that gift wrapped? No, we do it for free. Gold paper? A big red bow? Great! Here's your bag, have a WONDERFUL holiday, come back and see us soon, g'bye now! HI! Do you want that gift wrapped? No, it's free. Red or blue ribbon? Here's your bag, have a WONDERFUL holi..... *twitch*
Thank god my mother is coming to visit next Thursday. She will pull us all into the holidays, kick our asses to buy a tree, hang the stockings and make sure there is a modicum of holiday cheer going on Chez YP. I've already told her I'm a zombie. She said not to worry about it, she had it all under control. There will be cheer, ornaments will be hung, food will be made and I can just survive retail and not worry. Yay mom.
I wonder if she gift wraps?