Tuesday, November 21, 2006

Tis The Season.

I really can't describe the last couple of days, but I can try to sum them up for you.

"Santa's Bowling Alley."

That being what they built about 20 feet from the front door of the shop where I work, last weekend. I'm not sure if it's a permanent structure or not, I think it was only for the weekend's mall festivities. I'm HOPING. I will find out today. Santa's Bowling Alley was staffed by "elves" who were really blond models in microshorts, tank tops and pink knit hats. It was made of wood and thus very loud when the balls would roll down the ramp and clatter into pins (all day long, over and over, outside my front door) and it was decorated with hot pink and white striped candy canes and blinged out giant jingle bells.

Really I've just been coming home from work and sort of drooling at the wall. I haven't picked up knitting in a couple of days, though I've discovered that spinning is fairly reasonable and I can do that without counting or really thinking too hard. I got called in to work on Black Friday which means that yesterday was my only day off this week (aside from Thanksgiving Day where I am actually cooking so not really much of a day "off" is it?) and probably I will continue to not have much of any interest to write about (fiberwise) in this blog.

But I will share lots of fun LA Retail Stories with you if I have any good ones. And I did some research (yes, on CRACK! sez Mr. YP when I ran this by him a minute ago) about the whole meaning and symbolism behind Santa's Bowling Alley.

Long ago in the Dark Ages, before the coming of Christmas, ancient peoples would line up wooden animals that they'd carved, like wolves and lions and tigers and bears (oh my!) and then chuck things at them very hard - symbolically defeating them and demonstrating man's ascendency over the beasts. This was important in the longest darkest part of the year because you couldn't get out much and probably were a little stir crazy. Later on, when the Church co-opted everything else, this tradition became known as Santa's Bowling Alley and now good children can roll balls down loud wooden ramps at clattering pins and scream very loud when the pins fall down. The wolves and lions and tigers and bears (oh my!) were turned into bunnies and ducklings and reserved for use later on in the year, for the Festival of Chocolate which we will get into later.

No, I'm not actually smoking crack. But I do work retail and it IS the holiday season. The results are probably similar at the end of the day. Stay tuned for more thrilling Christmas symbolism, as today they are opening up Santa's Gingerbread House. I thought the gingerbread house myth was about a witch and a really big oven and a couple of kids with breadcrumbs, but now we know the truth. It was really Santa. I am really fighting the urge to walk past the lines of parents and children patiently waiting their turn and yell really loud, "No! Wait! IT'S A COOKBOOK!"

3 comments:

Lucia said...

As St. Dana of the Carvey tells us, SANTA is an anagram of SATAN. This is not a coincidence.

Mouse said...

ROFL Holy crap.. that's terrible. I'm so glad they didn't have that Santa ( I typed Satan..) bowling alley thing when I worked in mall retail hell.

Cara said...

that's really funny! and more than a little annoying.

When I was in high school (at Hamilton, in LA) I worked at Hunter Books in Westwood Village (back in the dark ages when it was the capitol of collegiate hipness). One weekend we had a "break-in" (which turned out to be an inside job) and in investigating the robbery, the cops searched the store before opening, and found ...

...several homeless people (four or five I think) sleeping in various cupboards and crannies of the store. That creeped me out for weeks.