Friday, March 10, 2006

I have to confess, after I threw the WHWIR socks at the wall for a third time, I balled up the yarn and put it back in my basket. I am SO frustrated at the lack of cooperation that I am perceiving. The yarn is hardly being helpful. There is Lack Of Cohesive Stitch Pattern that works with the colorway. We have discussed what happens to fussy, high maintenance, strappy sandal wearing, mani-pedi demanding, and whiny yarns before in this blog. They go to GULAG until they learn to behave.

Also, I have lost two #2 dpns to this endeavor. I think the yarn ate them.

However, the Socks that Rock skein in Beryl is very cooperatively not being a bitch and I cast on last night and have been whipping along. I've got one repeat in for the Embossed Leaf socks from IK and it's a fab pattern. I shall give the Socks that Rock to my mommy and then recast on in the Bearfoot for the WHWIR socks in the same pattern once I've mastered the charted knitting. Which is not at all hard, really. At least not when I'm curled up on the sofa with tea and no Scottish Country Dancing distractions.

In which I wax slightly bitter but am loquacious:

I learned something very interesting today because I went to see a lawyer, and that is is that a. I am owed large amounts of back child support with compounded annual interest, and that it is not only my right to do something about that, it is my responsibility in the eyes of the CA legal system to pursue collection and they are all about helping me do that. In fact, the state has people to do that for me for free. Which is why I had not pursued it really, because who has money for lawyers? Not me. Well I don't have to pay a lawyer. The state will do it for free, they will thwart the nefarious nonpayment being perpetrated. Post haste, even. Who knew? I mean, post haste in a governmental agency kind of way which is to say, it may take a while but it will indeed happen. The best part? I DO NOT HAVE TO DISCUSS THE MATTER WITH HIM any further. It will be between him and the state. He will not be allowed to withhold money to be petty ever again. If he calls to harangue, I can sweetly refer him to the state and hang up without fear of reprisal. And he can explain to the State of CA why he hasn't paid child support since 2002 and I don't think they honestly care. Show me the money. Phwoar.

I have to confess that the last 4 years of nonpayment have left me a mite frustrated. When one has a child, one gladly provides for that child's needs and for some extras and one does one's best, but the bills roll in. Like they do. Sometimes there are unforseen emergencies like strep, accidentally running over the kid's foot with the car (it was an accident, I swear, the doctor says it's very common and mostly with SUV drivers, which I don't drive, I drive a Toyota wagon so I have no excuse really) or maybe she breaks her arm while ice skating or everyone thinks she has appendicitis and so the ER does a CAT scan and you get a bill for $9,000 the week after Christmas. Things like this happen with children. It is part of what you expect. The unexpected. Except maybe, the car thing. That was a fluke. That was just weird that that happened.

The thing that can be very frustrating about juggling these surprises and what makes one a little bitter is when there is NO HELP with any of that from the bio parent, so you and the new parent (if you're lucky enough to have remarried, which I have) must handle all of it. This is compounded if the absent/ bioparent is off refusing to hold down a job and maybe they haven't bothered to call their child for a few years or send the child a birthday card or even a note or something at Christmas and you see the kid getting a little sadder with each successive birthday. You could buy them a pony every day for a month, but it will never take the place of that missing Hallmark card from Daddy. The hard truth is that you know that no matter how hard you try, you can never entirely take the place of the other parent, never distract them from the hole, there will always be a missing thing, and no matter how beloved the new (step)parent is, they can't fill that hole either. You can help the stepparent create a special bond, make a new place, it can be something else very precious, but the missing bio parent is never entirely replaced.

And after a while, because you begrudge your child nothing, are honored to raise and love them, privileged even, and would sell plasma to buy them food if you had to, because you want them to be denied nothing in this life, because you want them not to have to have their little hearts broken just yet, because parenting is the most important job you can conceive of doing well, you get a little pissy at the missing parent, your ex, for all of that neglect. I'm just saying. I can't make him call or send a birthday card or be a parent? But I can make him pay. I can make him fulfill his legal obligations. And I will.

In other news, it's ridiculously cold in Southern CA today. But I have tea. And Socks That Rock. And I might yet make the Bearfoot beg for mercy. It's good enough for me.


Jill said...

Who do I contact at the State level to pursue back child support? If you want, you could e-mail me at

rincaro said...

We have a similiar sitch. Crappy old parent, nice new step-parent, total neglect of perfect and wonderful children.... The strange thing is I'm still getting support.

I'm glad your state will pursue it for you. She (and you) deserve(s) better.

Z said...

My sperm donor walked out and signed away all rights to me. I am glad you're making him do the right thing. Asshole.