Tuesday, February 28, 2006

Llamas invade the blogosphere. News at 11.

Indeed. I guess what blows me away the most is just the attitude of the knitter who is the focus of this shitstorm. Who seems to think that she and her offspring got one over on "the Man" by cheating a LYS owner out of $30. Baffling.

After being smart and listening to my own Litany of Lame, I took a few moments to check gauge on my cardi back last night. I was .5 spi off. Which seemed to be making quite a difference in the overall size of the garment, actually, those .5's add up. I ripped it out, recast on (this involved hilarity when I could not get my count right and had to hand the needle to husband and ask HIM to please count loops as I was obviously on crack) and the result is better. I'm thinking I might gank the charted skull from Skully and stick that center bottom of the right front cardi panel. I'm also lukewarm about the furry trim because no pirate in her right mind would be caught dead in fun fur. We've already established that, no matter what the folks at KnitOne might think. I may just do button band and skip the fur bits.

I am an avid reader. I read all manner of books from nonfiction and history to fantasy, sci fi and yes, even the romantical. I have no shame, I'll read anything. Toothpaste containers. Just put words in my hand. So I was at the library with the pooglin yesterday and found some Taco Bell light, fluffy reading material by Debbie Macomber, called The Shop On Blossom Street. Not having read any Debbie Macomber, but seeing balls of yarn on the cover, naturally I ponied up to the counter and took the book home. I devoured in about two hours while knitting on the aforementioned cardi (because I am all about multitasking) and JUST like when one eats Taco Bell, I was left vaguely dissatisfied and feeling as if I'd wasted an opportunity (to eat a good meal or read a good book). I mean, okay. Yarn store, good. Premise, could be interesting. Execution? Not so much with that, thanks. Moralistic, badly written, preachy craaaaaap with 2 dimensional stock characters, NO plot and a predictable ending that I, er, predicted, about 1/3 of the way through the book. Gentle readers, before you get your romance reading knickers in a wad, please do not to be getting me wrong, I am the huge fan of Brain Taco Bell, I have almost every Nora Roberts paperback ever released. My shelves abound with the not so serious. I appreciate the value of a light, fluffy whipped confection because one cannot always be reading Suetonius and his ilk. Tacitus wears, after a while. You want to bitchslap Jane Eyre and tell her to get a life. I know. My point is that this wasn't even Taco Bell. This was like, a twinkie. This was the Hostess Snack Cake of light fluffy reading and a total waste of time and like a Twinkie will probably hang about in my brain and pollute me for the next five hundred years. So save your money. If you must read it, try your local library. You'll thank me later, I swear.

6 comments:

Ragnar said...

Yay! I don't have to be the first person to admit that I like romance novels! Yay yay yay! Of course I like the ones with pirates in them.

And! There is nothing more irritating than preachy moralistic romance novels. I haven't read the one in question, but if you drag yarn into a preachy and moralistic romance novel...that's just blasphemous.

Will Pillage For Yarn said...

It made me want to go write a yarn shop romance the right way. Sheesh. Show these whippersnappers a thing or two.

The Guppy said...

Let's see...You knit...live in the L.A. area...are a fan of both pirates and Nora Roberts?

*squint* Are you my long lost twin?

The Pyro Guppy

Atla said...

I read my first romance novel two weeks ago. Love Overboard by Janet Evanovich. I had mixed feelings. On one hand, I saw how everyone in my book groups read 25 books a month.. it took me at most 3 hours to complete. However, I have always had illusions that romance novels had lots of hot sex scenes. Heh, well in this one, she refered to her vagina as a "doodah".. yeah. Not so much on the hot sex scenes. Know of any romance novels with lots of hawt secks? :D

Will Pillage For Yarn said...

Atla, Nora Roberts has some pretty smokin' sex. Then there's Laurell K. Hamilton's stuff if you're into the supernatural/fantasy/urban thriller genre. That's pretty much a boinkfest on every other page. Bertrice Small's books are also pretty smutty. In fact, my favorite OH GOD DID SHE WRITE THAT? NO. NO! moment came from a Bertrice Small novel.

"With a shout of triumph, he flooded her with his creamy tribute."

Creamy tribute, man. It does not get smuttier. Or rather, it does, but you have to go to the special bookstores to find it.

Ragnar said...

I've got a list going of the most bizzare romance phrases...that's a good one. I also like "the button of her quivering lust..." you know, 'cause "clitoris" just isn't sexy enough.

Atla, I would classify Evanovich as "chic lit" which is different from "romance." If you want sex scenes you want the ones with bare chested men and heaving bosoms on the cover...swear to god that shit is housewife porn.

I just read some viking themed ones by Josie Litton that I thought were quite entertaining.