Wednesday, December 21, 2005

Holiday Truism #146

The cost of one bag of sugar free peanut brittle and one gourmet fancy European chocolate bar is raised exponentially when one has to take puppy to the vet to have the peanut brittle, gourmet fancy chocolate and half a christmas ornament forcibly removed.

Like, maybe cubed. About one hundred and fifty bucks, anyway. SO you'd think, right, that this would cover the whole process but no. This entitles you to a cursory exam, the vet giving you a lecture about puppies, chocolate and peanut brittle, the dog gets a sub-q shot and they send you home, telling you that it will "last for about an hour."

There IS no way to rate the exponential value of the fun one can have after the medicine kicks in and puppy starts going off at both ends, but there is a lot of fun to be had while chasing after puppy with a bottle of nature's miracle and a roll of paper towels.

So maybe you get clever and try to confine the puppy in the kitchen not wanting to hog ALL the fun, maybe you think you could just confine the fun to the kitchen. Except then puppy is totally FREAKED OUT because it doesn't like to be tied up, so when you try to confine it in the kitchen (hello linoleum) on lead, maybe the puppy responds by yanking the lead so hard it knocks the kitchen chair over that the lead was tied to and then puppy takes off like all hell was after it, with the leash bouncing behind, dragging the chair and then puppy runs under the Christmas tree and starts around it while still dragging leash, chair and now the kitchen rug, that is even. more. fun.

If you also factor in the fact that puppy is still going off at both ends while this is happening, only even more violently because fear does that, and meanwhile the Christmas tree is now being pulled over because the leash has caught on one of the screws on the base and puppy is FREAKING OUT and ornaments are falling off everywhere and the children are NOT HELPING but are instead, falling over laughing so hard they're about to start going off at both ends?

That is when you go pour yourself a drink.


Angi said...

I can totally empathize. I'm not even bothering with a tree thanks to my 5 month old hyperactive mutt. I just know what it was like chasing her around the yard after she got into the yarn stash.
Oh, and Apple Martini's work the best. :)

Will Pillage For Yarn said...

I turned to tequila but in the end I think the result was the same *grin*