Wednesday, September 07, 2005

Siel asked: "But I don't get this knitting slump thing -- I mean, knitting's my fallback procrastination tool. If all else fails, I knit. Explain thyself, Will Pillage for Yarn --"

Knitting is how I express myself creatively right now. There's a lot of stuff that I do, like paint, pottery, beading, paper media, etc., but knitting has been my big thing for the last year. Putting together stitches and yarn and color and texture, it's like painting but in multiple dimensions. It's not so much a procrastination thing or a bored thing (though it can be that too!) as it is, a form of self and artistic expression.

I realized that right now, I am following patterns meekly, obediently and without a lot of courage or adventurousness in my heart. When I diverge from the pattern, I get stuck, make mistakes and cannot find my way out. Usually, I look at the pattern, nod, smile and then throw myself in and start changing, experimenting and altering. I so rarely make anything according to the pattern (with the exception of lace) there is always a twist, and when I run into a block, normally I just leap over it. I cook the same way as I knit. I *LIVE* the same way. Except, right now? I'm not.

Right now, the ability to twist, to create alchemy, to take something, leap and transmute it into something else with a spark, that's missing.

I'm quite sure it's the medication working out of my brain and I know it'll come back. I hope so anyway. I'm scared to think it won't. So when I say I'm in a slump, that's what I mean. I am meekly putting rounds in on a sock, repeating patterns on a scarf and the fire is not so much with the sparkiness these days.

I have to go read some Kay Jamieson. She's done some excellent work on the connections between the artistic temperament and manic depression and how to balance the two so that your art doesn't die when your meds are working and you don't sacrifice mental stability for your art... because as much as I love sanity and stability, the divine madness also has something to offer. Not being able to access the spark is unacceptable.

1 comment:

Siel said...

But I'm green LA girl, not green girl LA. Thanks for answering my question though :) I'm gonna have to admit my knitting's not v. artistic :( It is, however, peaceful --