Sunday, August 07, 2005

"What're we gonna do tonight, Brain?"

"The same thing we do every night, Pinky."


In my case, that probably involves cursing at something lace-like and muttering under my breath and manfully not throwing yarn at the cat, rather than taking over the world, but you never know. Check back tomorrow.

Is it a bad thing when you walk into a fabulous cafe and immediately think to yourself, "What this place needs is more knitters." and start plotting to get all the knitters you know there on a regular basis and fill up the chairs and yak about yarn and.... yeah. Unurban Cafe in Santa Monica is the coolest, coffee house, evar. EVAR. I think I want to, er, UNorganize some kind of regular knitty, coffee swilling thing there. Because really, I want to spend more time there. And the cafe au lait is good. It is funkay.

I have eighty dollar stitch markers on the shawl I'm cursing at tonight knitting. See, two Christmannukwanzaas ago I got the bright idea that I'd save us scads of money by making all our holiday gifts. And we had all these friends (well, two married couples) who loved wine, so I thought, HEY! WINE GLASS MARKERS! You know, those cute beady things you stick on a wine glass as a polite way of saying "Hey get your rotten, stinkin', germy hands off my wineglass you filthy Ebola monkay." to people at parties when they accidentally try to swill your Merlot instead of their own. Right.

So off I hied to Ritual Adornments and filled my wee basket with some lovely silver charms in a sort of Celtic theme and I grabbed a few strands of beads that shrieked "Glass! Vintage! Leaded Crystal! Austrian! Imported!" and some silver thingers to string them on and I took it all up to the register and that's when the clerk took out a gram scale and started weighing my loot. I had a sinking feeling at that point which only got worse when she informed me that it would be eighty nine dollars and thirty seven cents please.

o_O

Being a total weenie and afraid of the sales clerk, I shelled out the money and skulked home and tried to avoid my husband who found out anyway because he usually ferrets out the truth about these whacky hijinks pretty fast. Well, that and he balances the checkbook. Refusing to return them (I have my PRIDE, dammit!) over his vociferous protestations, I very adamantly made the wine charms, and then you know what? Yeah. I totally forgot to give them to our friends for Christmas. That's right. And I found them in about, oh, March. A, um, whole year later.

So they've been sitting in the cupboard all this time, doing nothing, not holding up their end, just sitting there gathering dust and eyeing the Merlot in a rather suspcious manner. Because, you know, eighty dollar wine charms and GOD FORBID we use them. Well, we don't use them because this story comes up EVERY TIME I stick one on a glass thank you very much. And every time the husband opens the wine cupboard he starts grumbling about them and looking at me and saying "Why didn't you just say I'm sorry I didn't realize this was REAL SILVER WEIGHED BY THE GRAM and put them BACK for god's sake?" and you'd THINK he'd just be OVER IT by now seeing as how it's been TWO YEARS but no, no, he's NOT, is he?

Well they make very nice stitch markers and when he rolls his eyes at me I can at least tell him that now they're WORKING instead of slacking in the cupboard, so just to think of them as little indentured stitch markers who are paying off a very large debt to society.

That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

Every time I see a box of oh so cute wine charms on the shelf at Michaels or Ross, just sitting there MOCKING ME with a three dollar on sale price tag?

Yeah, that sucks.

1 comment:

Noel Lynne Figart said...

Okay, now that was funny as all hell.